As If

The sun will rise and fall despite your feelings.

Your want won’t turn the dial of what is.

The same thing goes for needs and all your dealings,

The end remains unchanged by what’s within.

For in the face of all the things you thought,

Unchanged by petty protests in your mind,

Despite the perfect picture that you sought,

This moment, as it is, is all you’ll find.

Thoughts hide behind the veil of your volition,

Pebbles that have yet to breach the pond.

To ripple reality’s surface requires action,

A single step at first and then beyond.

Act as if.

When your strength of will is waning,

When the challenge becomes a chore,

Act as if the world compels you,

Let your mind cry “no more!” no more.

Act as if you always try,

Act as if you are the why,

Act as if you weren’t afraid,
Act as if one would if brave.

Act as if it’s a gift to give,

Act as if you love to live,

Act as if your love were pure,

Act as if you could endure!

Act as if you’re born to lead,
Act as if your soul is freed.

Act as if you had just one chance,
To love and embrace a true romance.

Act as if you were the man,

To be that change, to take that stand.

How would he act?  What would he do?

Act as if, and it will be you.

Act as if you could and would,

If you lived the life you should.

Act as if it’s your destiny,

Act as if, and you… will be.

-Adrian Andryjowicz

You are not really there, did you know that?

Take a look at your hand.  Feel it, squeeze it, move it around.  Listen to the sound of you snapping your fingers.  Pick things up with it.  Touch the rest of your body and compare your body with the empty space around it.  What is the difference between your body and what is not your body?  What is the difference between what is, and what is not?  You, and the empty space around you?  The difference... is almost nothing.

You are made up of electrons and nucleons (protons and neutrons).  These make up every atom in your body.  Here is the kicker though... the nucleus of the average atom is around 20 x 10^-14 meters in diameter.  The space between that nucleus (which is 99.99% of the mass of the atom) and the CLOSEST electron is about 10^-10 meters.  that means that EMPTY SPACE makes up about 99.99% of every atom, because the empty space makes up over 10,000 times more space than the nucleus does, and the electrons are so small they don't even make a difference. 

If you took a nucleus (99.99% of the mass of an atom) and made it the size of a marble, the size of the entire atom would be as big as a modern football stadium. 

You are composed of atoms, connected to each other.  The bonds between atoms are merely overlapping electron clouds (regions in which electrons have a high probability of being, again, 10,000 times further from the nucleus than the diameter of the nucleus).  So, YOU, YOURSELF, YOUR BODY... you are 99.99% EMPTY SPACE. 

Granted, theoretically, this empty space is composed of "virtual" components that are created and destroyed so quickly they cannot be seen or measured, but on an energetic level, there's nothing there but the smallest possible amount of energy (because theoretically there is no such thing as 0 energy)

NOW ONE STEP FURTHER.  Every atom in your body is in constant motion.  Every bond between every atom is lengthening and shortening at a very high frequency.  Atoms rotate around bonds in the molecules they compose.  This empty space, this motion of all your atoms, it is energy.  You are energy.  You perceive yourself as solid, but solid is simply a state of molecules that are 99.99% empty.

          -For something to be anywhere, mathematically, it must be still.  The reason we cannot determine the position of an electron around an atom is because of its motion, and the fact that looking at it and measuring it changes it.  Thus, we can ONLY determine the PROBABLE location of an electron.  we can say what the PROBABILITY is of an electron being in any one spot.  Some places are 0% probability (at the nucleus), but we can never say 100% probability.  We never know for certain where an electron is.

        -Thus, the same applies to our atoms.  Thus the same applies to us as a whole.  We cannot say for certain that we are really here... just, we have a higher probability of being here than anywhere else.

What we perceive as human beings... is just a perception.  An illusion.  We are energy.  We are an illusion.  But... we ARE.  Things ARE.  Past that, we cannot say anything with certainty.  This really makes us the same as everything else.  The difference between us and empty space is .000001% (or less).  Thus, the difference between us and anything that we don't consider empty space... even smaller.  Everything is energy.  We are just a different kind of energy.  But I am really starting to believe and feel and know, that everything is one.  Everything is the same on some level.  And this is beautiful.

Regarding Those Silly Men who Preach at You

Though many of you may already share this perspective, I wish to express and elaborate upon the nature of what is going on when a “man of God” stands here with big poster signs expressing controversial messages.  The man who stands before you, preaching of the rules to get into the Kingdom of God, does not truly intend to convert anyone into believing what he believes, unless he is incredibly unintelligent.  His tactless maneuvers here on this campus, shouting at people and preaching simple, crude messages, are meant at most to invoke emotions from his listeners.  The only way he can get attention is to spark anger, or become so ridiculous that he is laughed at.

            Anyone of social merit with an understanding of the relationship between basic emotions and learning (something most of us know just through our own learning experience), knows that shouting at people and telling them they are wrong is not going to encourage change of beliefs.  This is especially the case when these beliefs lie at the core of our being, whether it is regarding our ethnicity, our sexuality, or our spirituality.  I will give the man credit enough to say that he knows this.  I will assume that he knows he will not change a belief that homosexuality is no different morally than heterosexuality just by yelling at us.  I will assume that he knows we will not treat women any differently because a man holding a bible is yelling at us to do so.

            So what could be his purpose then?  Let’s assume he is intelligent enough to know that we are educated, open minded human beings accepting of each other, and turned off by the intolerance of others.  If he is not intelligent enough to know this, there is certainly no reason to listen to him is there?  I offer that he has nothing else.  He has nothing else but the attention he can get from people like us, entertained by his fanaticism.  We stop and listen because in many ways it is fun to engage in such ridiculous conversation, knowing all well that neither of our views will change just because he attacks topics like ethnicity, homosexuality, or Michael Jackson (for crying out loud!).

            He thrives on this attention, and if he doesn’t get it, he takes it to another level.  He says something even more ridiculous or radical.  He desperately seeks to stir the pot.  He thrives off our groans or laughter or anger.  He lives in an egotistical world, picking away at our egos to fulfill his own.  However, the more he feeds his ego, the less he can be a man of God.

            Ego is a very human quality.  It is our self constructed image of ourselves, derived from human qualities and our thoughts, which inevitably is limited to language.  We tie our emotions and self image in with our never ending stream of thoughts, defining who we are based off of what we feel and think.   Thus the more we enlarge this image, the more we define ourselves based on these very human qualities, and the further away from God we get, because God is in no way limited to human qualities.

            The man standing in the middle of an academic square holds a bible and tells us rules regarding our entrance into the Kingdom of God.  He says we won’t get there if we are homosexuals.  He says we won’t get there if we do not believe exactly what is written in a book.  But these rules, these books, they are human.  They are socially derived from our human qualities.  How dare we reduce the Kingdom of God to something that has human rules?  How can we possibly fathom such a Kingdom?  Why would God, an omnipotent being, perfect and good, have a “Kingdom” that required “entrance” and had “rules” to get into?  These sound very human to me, and though one could argue that God sits there and thinks like we do and decide to make this Kingdom with human qualities, I argue that God does not think as we think.  I argue God does not “decide” things, or have “rules”.  I argue that these are simple attempts by humans to understand God, and we have defined Him using our human concepts.

            I submit to you that the Kingdom of God is here, and now.  I challenge you to find the Kingdom of God within you.  I challenge you to find that Kingdom, to find God within yourself and in those around you.  I challenge you to find God in this moment, the only moment there is.  I challenge you to find God in what is empty, because without emptiness there cannot exist anything else within the emptiness.  Find God in the silence as well as the sound.  Find God in the dark as well as the light.

I submit to you that the Kingdom of God is something we will never truly understand, as we typically understand things as humans.  Just as our pet will never understand the concept of the planet, stars, or the galaxy (we barely do), we will never understand in human terms the concept of God.  However, we can know it.  We experience it every day.  We call it by a different name sometimes.  We apply our own human rules to it, which differ from culture to culture.  But all those rules, all those words, they but point to the truth.  The words themselves, in the Bible, in the Koran, from any preacher or teacher, or even in this essay, they are not the truth.  They are not the message.

God, the truth, the message, cannot be defined by our human words.  Just as a sign pointing to Las Vegas is not Las Vegas but rather a guide to Las Vegas, a word is nothing more than a guide, pointing to a concept.  The rest we have to know, just know, without understanding it with words.  This is what faith is.  Faith is accepting that we will never truly understand God, but we can know it anyway.  Faith is coming to peace with the way things are, accepting what is, and ceasing our attempts to define what we should not define (cannot define!).  Faith is letting our egos go and trusting our existence to be perfect in its own way.  Faith is believing not in words, but in truth, in ourselves.

So, if you need to, or if you want to, be entertained by this man’s speeches.  Laugh, but do not get angry.  Think, but do not think too much.  Do not allow him to serve any purpose but entertainment.  Do not give him that power.  I encourage you to keep on walking.  I encourage you to accept that you will not change his mind, and that he is who he is, and the best thing you can do for him and for you is to not engage him.  This will take away his ego, and prevent you from bringing out yours.  This will bring you both closer to God.

the game

let me tell you about a game humans play,
they live in a world that has night and day,
they eat and they breath and can move among things,
talk to each other, and follow they’re dreams.

i played this game once, confusing but grand,
i awoke in a body separate from His land,
i could feel that I was the same as before,

but now with sensations that I could adore!

i lifted my hand because i had one,
and there it was!
right in front of my eyes.
my eyes did see,
my hand did move,
simply cuz i willed it to rise.

i soon realized my whole body acted in this way,
obeying my every command.
all the while i could see feal and hear,
taste and smell as man.

and it was for the best, a good thing too,
because i was thrown right into the game!
no practice or briefing or book on "how to"
this "reality" seemed quite insane.

the next thing that happened, i did have a thought,
words and images did suddenly appear.
where they appeared was a mysterious place,
as if they're were words in my head i could hear!

so now there were TWO places this game was played,
both inside my head and then out.
i could think things and feel and not know if they're real,
or, i could stand up and shout.

now the shouting and moving and things of that nature,
they acted on others and changed the big picture.
the rest, which was a lot, was all in my brain,
what happened in there did not change the game.

so i played the game as long as i could,
observing that i thought as i inevitably would,
but i paid more attention to what we all should,
and the game became much better understood.

now it wasn’t a race,

and there was no first place,

in fact finishing meant you were dead.

you could run a straight line,

or pretend to make time,

but you should just enjoy it instead.

Prison Break in the Rain

I have to get out of here.  I can't hear anything, it is all muffled and stifled.  It's dark and quiet, but not serene.  Tomorrow... Yesterday... Earlier... Later... That's when, not now, then or then, there or there, but not here and not now.  It is not enough.  It is prison.  I can't stand prison.  I don't want it, this here or now, and I have to get away.  But I can't and I just might deserve it anyway.  I can't move but maybe I shouldn't.  This prison... is this really all there is?  I feel anger and desperation.  This can't really be all there is.  I feel a wanton, dispairing sensation come over me.  I always want more, want something to sooth and cool that burning yearning spoiled child inside me.  I have to get out.  I can't hear anything in here.  I can't see anything.  I can't move...

Someone laughs.  I've heard him before, even though he never talks, just laughs.  Every time I try to see him my head spins, but I still know he is smiling, watching.  He observes me without comment.  The more I think the more shrouded he becomes.  I need something so bad.  SOMETHING.  My mind works to satiate my needs, like a slave.  He smiles at my mind's attempts.  I try to find him.  Be still.  Be silent.  SSHHHHH.  Maybe I can see him this time.  Maybe he can get me out of here.  Shut up.  Be quiet...

Wait... wait for it...  The pitter patter of rain drops and a light rustle of leaves cuts through the dense fog of anxiety.  The distant drone of cars humming over wet cement echoes through the rain.  A heart beat rhythmically pumps away.  Breathing, slow and steady through a slightly congested nose can be heard.  The slight creak of the floor and the bones that stand upon it groans a happy sigh.  Out the window, the edges of the leaves become sharp and vibrant in the dark.  Everything does.  Every sound, every sight, becomes crisp.  The scent of fresh rain rolls through the room.  You almost want to introduce yourself to it all, but then you realize you are a part of this new world of what seems like enlightenment. 

There is a new silence now.  Everything can be heard, with clarity and purity, every sound, but there is a beautiful silence.  It is the silence in between each and every sound.  It is the silence that allows the sound to exist.  There is a new darkness too.  Now it is a darkness faded by the pale light of the night.  The darkness that defines the light and gives way to it. 

There is an emptiness too.  The emptiness is everywhere.  The emptiness allows for everything else, and is a part of everything else.  i am empty.  i am laughing, and i am smiling.  i do not talk, i do not think.  i just am, and i do not want more that this prison of here and now.  i do not want at all.  i can see that person that did, but the closer i look the more he disappears.  This prison just liberated me.  i am free.

Then the floorboards creak loudly and I am back, my head fills up with worry, the rain is gone, and I am walking back to my room.  It is late and I need to get up early.  I have to do this, and that, and those tomorrow.  I should have done that today.  I shouldn't have said that this morning.  I ought to be more like this... I need to break free of this prison.  I can solve it, I know I can.

He smiles, and then disappears.